Because of the influence Cribs has had on me, when I show a girl around my apartment and get to my bedroom I've started to say, 'This is where the magic happens.' Which I think is appropriate, since I'm bad at magic too.
Today, I drank a glass of water while I was peeing and pretended to be a fountain. It really wasn't as much fun as I'd hoped it'd be. Tomorrow, I'll poop while eating a NutRageous and see if I like that any better. Update: Only a little.
I realize that losing Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Billy Mays all within days of each other is tragic. But the real tragedy is that none of these people ever once got to go to the Yakov Smirnoff Theatre.