Friday, July 24, 2009

That's Not Gravy...

This morning I ate Jimmy Dean's sausage. It was good, but I think I would've liked it better if it didn't cum all over me.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Every One Of Them...

Every Queensryche fan is a child molester.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

So, I Was Bored...

Today, I drank a glass of water while I was peeing and pretended to be a fountain. It really wasn't as much fun as I'd hoped it'd be. Tomorrow, I'll poop while eating a NutRageous and see if I like that any better.
Update: Only a little.

Friday, July 10, 2009

I'm Seriously Considering...

I don't wanna make any hasty decisions, but I'm seriously considering closing my Friendster account.

I Can't Eat These...

Alright, who farted on my crab cakes?

Thursday, July 09, 2009

You Know You're A Loser...

You know you're a loser when WPIX deletes you from their Facebook friends.

The Real Tragedy...

I realize that losing Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Billy Mays all within days of each other is tragic. But the real tragedy is that none of these people ever once got to go to the Yakov Smirnoff Theatre.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Carl Kassell's Voice...

You know, I've called a lot of people and heard a lot of home answering machines, and so far I haven't heard Carl Kasell's voice come out of a single one of them. I'm thinking about just giving up and calling Carl Kasell.

Of course, I'll have to wait til I know he's out.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

A Lot Of People Think...

A lot of people think that molesting people with Down's syndrome is wrong. I think it's fucking retarded.